So I have a confession to make. My mental health has been worsening recently, so I probably won't be updating here as much, in quality or quantity. I pray it'll get better soon, and I can return in full force. I'll try and update here as much as I can, but in the meanwhile, I need some time to relax and heal.
Also, today I stubbed my toe really bad, and just when it was starting to feel better, I stubbed it again. Safe to say this has not been a very good day. Oh well. There's always tomorrow, and that is what matters.
Anyways, even though I'm gonna be chillaxing from the site a bit, I promise y'all that I won't abandon it completely and that I will return! Until then, I'll talk to y'all later!
Song of the Day: VIVIZ - Bop Bop
So I've been kinda continuing on my lazy streak these past few days. I wish I had more motivation to write and all, but I must still be kinda drained from the school year. I finally have all the time in the world, and I suddenly go from wanting to do so much to wanting to do nothing but sit around all day. What's with my mind?
Also, I have to read this snoozefest of a book for summer reading for English. I mean, we technically got a choice for the second book, but all of them seemed to be snoozefests, at least to me. Yeah, I'm not into non-fiction for the most part, unless it's about something in which I have a personal interest. This one is about a whaling boat that sank ages ago, and the only joy I've really gotten from it is making snarky comments in the margins, since we have to annotate our books. Honestly, snarky comments and references to stuff I like is the only way I annotate. I don't really know how we're even supposed to annotate books.
Also, I've honestly been thinking of painting my nails. I bought this super cute nail polish at the dollar store over the summer, and I really wanna try it out! Though the sensation of rubbing my nails when they've been painted is kind of weird. But oh well.
Anyways, that's about all I have to talk about at the moment, so I'll talk to all y'all next time. Bye!
Song of the Day: Super Junior - SPY
So, do y'all remember the other day when I said I was pretty sure that I wasn't a girl? Well, now I'm not so sure. But I don't feel like airing my gender-questioning process up here on the World Wide Web, so I'll probably just be quiet about it on this front for the time being. More updates on this will follow eventually, probably. I feel like a CNN anchor! You know, I sued to want to be a journalist, because I wanted to be one of the pretty talking heads on TV, but then I realized that actual journalism would be too stressful for me, you know? I think that 24 hour news is pretty crappy and annoying.
ANYWAYS! I've been feeling a little bit crappy today because, thanks to my mother pointing out (guilt trips go way back in our family, we probably invented the things) that I've done basically nothing this summer. But isn't that the point of summer? Honestly, I'll probably get a summer job next summer, and I've been trying to get involved in some projects, but for now I am unemployed and sitting around, watching TV all day. I mean it's not like I can go on a date with my boyfriend to the beach right now bceause 1) I live in Missouri 2) I have no boyfriend. So the next best option is sitting around on my ass all day.
Also, I've been watching more Step by Step! Honestly, I'm kinda jealous of Dana's hair in the first season, and definitely jealous of Karen's fashion. Karen and Fran Fine are by far the two best-dressed TV characters on TV! At least in the 90s. They're so feaking cool!
Anyways, that's about all I have to talk about at the moment, so I'll talk to all y'all next time. Bye!
Song of the Day: Steps - One For Sorrow
So, do all y'all remember how I said the other day that I was pretty sure that I was a girl? Well, boy was I wrong! I don't know what it was, but something swapped in my mind that very suddenly just made me really uncomfortable with that label, and I'm honestly feeling much better now. So yeah, I think I'm gonna stick with being a gay femboy. I don't know why, or how, my feelings so suddenly shifted, but the human brain is a strange thing.
But yeah, I've had a pretty good day today. I've read, watched some YouTube and 7th Heaven, started watching Step by Step, and have both physically and mentally been feeling much better than I was yesterday. Seriously, yesterday I felt like crap all day, I had a stomachache that was recurring throughout the day to various degrees, for the better part of an hour felt like I was about to throw up, and had all sorts of thoughts and crap running through my mind. But I've had a much better day today, and feel much happier, thank God.
Also, I finally feel like I've accomplished things today! This morning, I replied to an e-mail that I got well over a week ago related to a potential project for the summer, plus some other things that I've forgotten. But yeah, I feel like I was actually productive in getting things done today! Cue For The First Time In Forever from Frozen.
Anyways, that's about all I have to talk about at the moment, so I'll talk to all y'all next time. Bye!
Song of the Day: UHSN - Popsicle
We finally finished off the leftover hot dogs from the batch we made like a week or so ago! I realized how much I actually like hot dogs. Of course, I have no clue what they're made of, and am probably better off living in ignorance in that area. And of course, they're unhealthy, so I'd be better off only having them occasionally, though I'm certainly not going to act as if I'm some sort of health nut who only eats bowls of pure kale. (What's with the kale craze anyways?)
Also, the Absolutely Horrid Heat Wave seems to have subsided for now! The high today was 32, and, besides from Saturday, when the high is randomly 36, the high for the next few days is the same or lower as today, and we'll be going back into the twenties soon. Woot woot! No more having to lay on the ground under the fan with an ice pack on my stomach!
But yeah. I'm pretty sure that I'm a girl by now, but I think I'll wait a while before actually putting it in my About Me in case somebody I know in real life finds this, since I haven't come out to them yet, even though I know that a good portion of them (including my best friends) are accepting. So yeah. I don't think I'll come out to my family or my entire grade for at least a good while, and I don't know if I'll ever come out to my extended family. Oh well.
Anyways, that's about all I have to talk about at the moment, so I'll talk to all y'all next time. Bye!
Song of the Day: Girls' Generation - Papparazzi
I went round my grandparents' last night for a family gathering! My little cousin delighted in telling very corny jokes from a little book she had, and my mother, uncle, cousin, cousin-in-law and I all came up with possible responses. Honestly, some of our responses were better than the actual answers. I've totally forgotten all the responses, but take my word for it?
Anyways, as usual, the dinner was freaking delicious. There was watermelon, my favourite fruit, which is finally in season! And of course, my grandma's amazing mac and cheese, plus hot dogs, baked beans, and some other great stuff! I don't know how my family cooks so well. Though it does leave me kind of tired sometimes. I actually almost took a nap after dinner! Though I suppose that's kind of common with Southern food. (My family is more Southern than Midwestern. Is Missouri midwestern or Southern? I consider some parts to be one, some the other and some a mix. But I digress.)
I also watched telly for a while, and the Celebrity Family Feud with Fran Drescher and Charles Shaughnessy from The Nanny. Why do I feel like that's pretty much the only episode of Celebrity Family Feud? Anyways, I watched some other TV afterwards. We got home pretty late because of the usual Southern chit-chat.
Anyways, I've been questioning my gender and I think I might be a girl? This feels pretty right to me. But I think I'll wait a bit before changing my About Me or anything. I've also been questioning my sexuality a little, but that doesn't seem right if I call myself bisexual or anything. I'm pretty sure that part is just my OCD. Because I've questioned my gender before, and always kind of been "OK, I think I'm a boy, but I wouldn't feel terrible being a girl", but I don't really want to date girls and that just doesn't feel right to me, you know? But yeah. I'm going to stop rambling now.
Anyways, that's about all I have to talk about at the moment, so I'll talk to all y'all next time. Bye!
Song of the Day: GFRIEND - MAGO
So for some odd reason, I suddenly got self-concious this afternoon about my smile. I felt like I don't smile enough and for some reason got selfconcious that guys might think I smile too little or something? So I was all worried about that for a while, but then I realized that I don't have time for guys that say "you don't smile enough" and I want a guy who likes me for me!
Also, these days I seem to be daydreaming more and more. A big part of it is the fact that it's summer and I have pretty much no committments so far (though I'm fixin' to change that and do some different projects), so daydreaming about guys is just kind of filling a lot of that time. I think another part of that is my at this point seemingly perpetual state of single pringle-ness. Oh well. I mean, I'm still in high school, it's not like I have to be worried about that stuff, I guess.
Also, it seems like the Absolutely Horrid Heat Wave is taking a small break, because the high today was "only" 32! But then the high on Tuesday is back to 37. Woot woot.
Anyways, that's about all I have to talk about at the moment, so I'll talk to all y'all next time. Bye!
Song of the Day: Girls' Generation - Way To Go
So the Absolutely Horrid Heat Wave has continued! How exciting! Today's high was 36, which, for the Farenheit folks out there, is 90-something degrees F. All I can say is thank God for air conditioning! Apparently in the UK, a lot of the houses don't have air conditioning since they're so old. I can't imagine how physically painful it must be in the summer there! If I think that Missouri summers are hell, I can only imagine what their aircon-less summers are like. And I don't think that I particularly want to.
Also, I did something even more out of character than going on a walk today: JOGGING! I jogged along to Way To Go by Girls' Generation at a whopping five (count 'em, FIVE!) miles per hour, and all the while I sang shouted along to the song at the top of my lungs. Thank God that the neighbours didn't file a noise complaint! I feel like if cameras followed me around, my life would very soon be turned into an anthology of awkward/funny moments or whatever that would go viral on the Web.
Also, I finally found a book I've been wanting to read for ages as a Kindle e-book at my local library! I'm so excited to read it!
Anyways, that's about all I have to talk about at the moment, so I'll talk to all y'all next time. Bye!
Song of the Day: Taeyeon - Voice
So the Absolutely Horrid Heat Wave has officially, fully, begun. The high today was in the mid 30s Celsius, and the high will be in the mid-30s for the forseeable future. So I certainly appreciate my decision to move my walks to a treadmill instead of walking on the trail. Though I have noticed that I've been walking about two miles the past few days, when on the trail I'd walk three to four miles. I don't really know why, though I suppose I've just been walking for about an hour, whereby on the trail I'd lose track of time and end up walking for almost two hours or so.
Also, I've been thinking more and more lately that I want to switch from my iPhone to a flip phone. I'm getting more and more tired of the constant connection, and even though I've deleted almost all of the social media from my cell phone, I still feel too connected and want to get away from that constant Internet, whilst still being able to call and text my loved ones, you know? I also wish there was a way to use Discord through SMS, since I still use Discord with most of my close friends so that's part of my reluctance to completely get rid of my smartphone. But anyways, I'm planning to get a flip phone as soon as I start university. New environment, new lifestyle, you know?
Also, minor annoyance: I was watching 7th Heaven on Hulu, about the only streaming service I like since it has my favourite old shows (even though I prefer DVDs, but oh well), but they removed it from Hulu and moved it to that Paramount Plus thing for some reason. My family has that too, so I can still watch it, but it was just annoying, especially since I had to remember what episode I was on. Ugh. I hate this streaming stuff. Yes, I'm a teenager. Yes, I'm a curmudgeon. Yes, we exist.
Anyways, that's about all I have to talk about at the moment, so I'll talk to all y'all next time. Bye!
Song of the Day: Girls' Generation - Light Up The Sky
So I took my last walk on a trail for a little while yesterday, sine the temperatures are climbing to the area where it feels like you're in the Sahara in Africa, have just finished sprinting for your life, are ill and have also just been winked at by a super hot guy. Speaking of attractive guys, I saw one on my walk yesterday.
Speaking of people I saw on my walk, I also saw a teacher of mine (who was not the aforementioned super attractive guy). I was sitting on a bench taking a breather when I heard a "hey Daniel" and replied with a "hey" by instinct, but then I did a double take and looked up, and I suddenly realized that a teacher of mine was biking by! He was going in the opposite direction to me, but nonetheless I just got right up and started walking again out of pure mortification. It was embarrassing for some reason.
Also, I feel like my creative-ness has kind of taken a break. I think it might be partially because I'm now spending more time exercising, but also, I feel like my "creative attention span", so to speak, has shortened. I was working on what was supposed to be a pretty big project for this site, but took a break for a day or two and now I don't really have as much motivation to keep going on it, and the same with my writing, but I supposed that I shall just keep pushing through. I want to look back and August and be able to honestly say that I accomplished something this summer.
Anyways, that's about all I have to talk about at the moment, so I'll talk to all y'all next time. Bye!
Song of the Day: Girls' Generation - Fan
So I've done something very out of character today and yesterday! I decided to take a walk yesterday afternoon, to get some exercise for once in my life. I wandered around the neighbourhood, and even found a little hidden-away sidewalk that leads through to another part of the area. I eventually decided to go onto a trail near me that's popular amongst people in my general area for biking and walking, through a little gravel path from my neighbourhood that I didn't know existed. I walked for a good while in flip-flops, since I didn't know I would end up going on the trail. Never walking a trail in flip flops again. But it was overall a good experience.
I decided to go on the trail again today, this time in proper shoes and with water! I ended up walking about three and a half miles in all, which is very surprising for me since normally I'm lazy as all hell. There was a lot of nature in the trail area, which was really very beautiful! I even got to see a lovely little cardinal on the ground about a foot in front of me, though it sadly flew away before I could get a picture of it. It even started to sprinkle a bit on the way, though sadly got sunnier. I mean, I wouldn't've wanted it to rain whilst I was there, but some rain later on would've been nice. The high on Monday and Tuesday are both 37 degrees Celsius! That's body temperature!!
Also, I boldly broke down a new barrier in my life today: I put avocado on my sandwich that I had for dinner. GASP! But yeah, all in all, I never realized how well the taste of avocado complements sandwich type flavours. My sandwich frontiers and my enjoyment of sandwiches are both growing!
Anyways, that's about all I have to talk about at the moment, so I'll talk to all y'all next time. Bye!
Song of the Day: Reba McEntire - How Was I To Know
Once again, these past couple of days have been rather uneventful. Today, I signed up for a local teen volunteer organization, partially to get my volunteer hours that my school requires ASAP, so I don't have to do more later down the road. But I also wanna help people and do good works and all of that. So I'll do some amount of volunteer work this summer. I wonder what there'll be to do!
Also, these past couple of days, I've been watching a lot of OSFirstTimer, where a guy gets his mum (and sometimes other family members) to try out differents OSes and software. I remember that I first saw it ages ago, when I was probably nine or so years old, and every once in a while I come back and watch a lot of their videos. They're really funny and interesting, and I highyl recommend their channel to all y'alL! The link is here.
Also, I've started to get rather hot and bothered about the hot weather recently. Though to be fair, the high recently has been in the mid-to-high twenties, so not nearly as bad as those times when the highs are in the 30s (Celsius), but sometimes, especially in the afternoons, it gets too hot and I have to turn the thermostat down (hoping that my parents don't realize and get annoyed with me for turning it too low), turn the fan on, eat a few ice cubes, et cetera. Why must I live in Missouri of all places? We must have the most miserable summers north of Florida. I don't get how people in the Caribbean countries can stand the summers there! Ugh.
Anyways, that's about all I have to talk about at the moment, so I'll talk to all y'all next time. Bye!
Song of the Day: Girls' Generation - Visual Dreams
So it's been rather uneventful since my parents' fridge-cleaning frenzy. I've basically just sat around for a while. I worked some more on a project that I'm making for this site, and I honestly have no clue how long it's going to take to finish. But oh well, I suppose nothing in life is for sure. Woah, that just got philosophical. Plato would probably be proud of me, but I don't care because I freaking hate Plato. Though to be fair, I'm not a fan of most philosophers, since so much of philosophy seems really pretentious to me.
Also, I actually took a nap this morning! I barely ever take naps, but at 10 or so this morning, I lay down on the couch and started daydreaming and the next thing I knew I'd been napping for an indeterminate length of time. It wasn't super long, but it was enough to make me feel pretty refreshed. I almost napped a second time this afternoon, but decided against it.
Also, I've been using my combo VCR/DVD recorder recently to record some TV programmes off of local channels, and I decided on a whim to record today's episode of Days Of Our Lives. I haven't watched it yet, since I'm still going to record a film so I haven't finalized the DVD yet, but I already feel like a wine mum.
Anyways, that's about all I have to talk about at the moment, so I'll talk to all y'all next time. Bye!
Song of the Day: Hilary Duff - Wake Up
So my parents seem to have taken to summer cleaning, since today they did a deep clean of the fridge. I was relegated to getting rid of rotten eggs by cracking them down the sink into the garbage disposal, and my dad got irrationally mad when I almost let a little piece of eggshell into the garbage disposal. So yeah, it was pretty weird. There's currently a pile of old candy that was just... in the refrigerator for some reason sitting on the counter. God willing, we'll figure out what to do with it before it all goes off.
Also, I think I'm finally starting to get over that beginning-of-summer "I just want to sit around and only watch TV all day" phase. I mean, I still want to sit around, but I've started to think up a few projects I wanna do, both on this site and in other areas. I'm not working a summer job at the moment, and I don't know if I really plan to, despite the pressure from my dad's family, so this is probably going to be the bulk of my summer. I wonder what I'll get up to! We'll just have to wait and see...
Also, a random loose thread from the past got tied up today. Ages ago, the school year before this one that just ended, I somehow lost my world history textbook, or at least the copy checked out to me. (I had a copy that I found that I had thought was the original copy I lost, but it turned out not to be.) Anyways, the school librarian recently received a bunch of overdue books and that was in there! So now it looks like we're going to be getting a refund for the whopping twenty or thirty dollars we spent on a replacement. Woot woot!
Anyways, that's about all I have to talk about at the moment, so I'll talk to all y'all next time. Bye!
Song of the Day: M.I.L.K. - Come To Me
Goodbye May, hello June! I'd say hello to the junebugs, too, but the little buggers (wocka wocka) have already been around a week or two, from what I can remember. I mean, in my book, they'd be very welcome flying off to bother those kind folks in Arkansas, along with the mosquitoes, flies, spiders, fleas, cockroaches and all those other little creatures. Seriously, the world would be a much more pleasant without the bugs.
Also, I've been watchign through season 1 of Murder, She Wrote the past couple of days, since I got the DVDs of seasons 1, 3 and 5 for my birthday, and it's so weird seeing the programme without Jessica's best friend Seth, who wasn't added until the second season but became a mainstay after that. It's a classic case of Early Installment Weirdness on TV Tropes, one of my favourite Web sites! I love just scrolling it at random. I mean it's not as if I have much better to do these days.
Also, my parents seem to have an unhealthy obsession, which I have only just noticed, with keeping the thermostat at unreasonably hot temperatures during the summer. I keep the fan on pretty much 24/7, but nonetheless I still get kind of hot sometimes, so I have to drink some ice water and turn the thermostat down from about 80 degrees F, where it normally is, to about 76 F, though 78 F is my parents' bare minimum. It's absolutely ridiculous!
Anyways, that's about all I have to talk about at the moment, so I'll talk to all y'all next time. Bye!
